Certain
Interims
It occurs between three and four a.m.,
more precise than Greenwich mean,
an empyrean chronometer, a sneak preview.
I almost do not find it frightening anymore.
It can not fool me; I know it is a funeral. I am so
good at expecting it now. I could use Fibonacci
to tally it up. I could do its sum on an abacus. It
is an abecedarium mathematics; it is not a science.
I know how to watch for signs. Thomas Hardy,
in
Tess of the D'Urbervilles, gave the poor
milkmaid
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the idea of her death; he made her see it in her
mirror,
like Elaine spotting Lancelot, miniature and
upside down,
a mirage in the shield-that-was-not-a-shield. He said
each of us feels the hour of his demise, an
instinct, an
itch in the glial cells, a predestination, that we celebrate
this date unwittingly, a secret subconscious birthday
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